Has arrived, with a vengeance. No, not the cat. I got to enjoy breakfast with my husband today before I had to say "see you in a bit", i.e. 7 months from now, and hopefully not more. When I went with him to deliver his things to the ship, the wind whipping down the pier was so cold I think my ears froze. I was even wearing a hat!
Last time I was so strong, and I numbed myself as best as I could. This time, it was harder. I tried so hard not to let him see me cry, but I'm sure he did. It literally pained me to watch him walk away, a thousand times worse than the first time. Once he was out of sight I drove off. I don't like to wait around for the ship to sail away. At home, I started putting away little messes he left, and I had to stop. As much as I used to be irritated when he left things everywhere, now I can only think that once they're put away, they won't be left sitting anywhere.
But today is my day to mope, and be sad. I told the baby that things would be okay, but I think I was really reassuring myself more than our child, who can't understand what I'm saying. At least once April rolls around I'll have a snuggly baby, our love child, to hang out with. For now I have my best friend, also named Sam, my roommate, and my cats.
Tomorrow will be a better day. I'll just let it out today.
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